Watching a Loved One Go Back to a Toxic Relationship? Here’s How to Help:

Jennifer Palacios, LAMFT

As a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (LAMFT), I often work with individuals and families grappling with the difficult reality of seeing a loved one return to a toxic relationship. The emotions that come with this—fear, frustration, sadness, and even anger—are valid. However, the way we approach the situation can make a significant difference in whether our loved one feels supported or isolated.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are some essential strategies to help you navigate it effectively:

1. Manage Your Immediate Reactions to a Toxic Relationship

Your first instinct may be to express disapproval or frustration, but harsh reactions can push your loved one away at a time they need your support the most. Instead, take a deep breath and respond with calmness and curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective rather than immediately condemning their choice. A reaction of curiosity breeds trust and will ensure they turn back to you for support if the relationship becomes toxic again.

2. Stay Connected and Supportive to Prevent Isolation

One of the most common patterns in toxic relationships is isolation. Your loved one may already feel torn between their partner and their family. Maintaining an open line of communication ensures they have a safe space to turn to when they need support. It is also important to make a continued effort of creating plans with your loved one to prevent isolation.

3. Validate Their Feelings Without Endorsing the Relationship

Your loved one may still feel deeply connected to their partner, even if the relationship has been harmful. Instead of saying, “You’re making a mistake,” try offering understanding by saying: “I can see why this is complicated for you. I want to make sure you feel safe and supported.” This validates their emotions while keeping the conversation open and allows the communication to flow naturally.

4. Educate Without Judgment on Healthy vs. Toxic Relationships

Gently provide insights about healthy vs. unhealthy relationship dynamics. Share resources, such as articles, books, or even suggest therapy, but avoid pushing too hard, as resistance is natural when someone feels pressured.

5. Encourage Self-Reflection with Thought-Provoking Questions

Instead of telling them what to do, ask questions that prompt self-awareness:

“How do you feel when you’re with them versus when you’re apart?”
“What has changed since last time?”
“What do you need in a relationship to feel valued and respected?”

This can help them process their decision without feeling defensive.

6. Set Boundaries for Your Own Well-being

Supporting a loved one in this situation can be emotionally exhausting. It’s okay to set boundaries for yourself. If conversations about their relationship become too distressing, express your need for space in a compassionate way. Remind them that there are professionals who can help them through their stressors while you are taking space.

7. Offer a Safe Exit Plan if the Relationship Becomes Harmful Again

If the relationship turns unhealthy again, your loved one may need support in leaving. Let them know they can always turn to you, without fear of judgment, if they decide to walk away.

8. Encourage Professional Support from a Licensed Therapist

Sometimes, an outside perspective from a therapist can help your loved one recognize patterns and build self-worth. Encourage therapy in a way that feels empowering rather than shaming.

Final Thoughts: Help Your Loved One Without Pushing Them Away

Watching a loved one reenter a toxic relationship is incredibly challenging, but your support can make a difference. By staying compassionate, setting healthy boundaries, and keeping communication open, you increase the chances that your loved one will feel safe enough to reach out when they need help.

If you or someone you know is struggling with this situation, consider seeking professional guidance. A licensed therapist can provide the necessary tools to navigate these complex emotional dynamics.

If you found this blog helpful, share it with others who may be facing a similar challenge. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey—support is always available.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope it offers insight, validation, or a new perspective. If you’re interested in learning more about mental health, relationships, and personal growth, feel free to explore more of my writing or connect with me. Remember, healing is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone.